Help! I need to find an Amazing "Healthy Hair" Stylist

I received a really great question not too long ago from a reader who contacted me inquiring about a serous subject matter. You see, she's on a mission to find a suitable stylist. One she can entrust the care of her hair. My heart goes out to her because I remember the days of going from salon to salon disappointed from my experiences. Worst of all, my hair suffered while I was going through this dreaded trial and error period.

Although I don't have dedicated stylist, I will never forget my experience I had recently while visiting the Prive Salon for my MicroMist treatment. While there, I had the pleasure of having my hair done by Marie. By far, my experience with her was thee best I've ever had with a stylist. If I were one of those people who regularly visited a stylist, Marie would definitely the chosen one. And because of this, I will use Marie as archetype of what you should be looking for in a stylist that will move you forward in your hair journey.

Again, let me reiterate that I've visited many salons in my day. Some of the most memorable (and dreadful) memories I have include:

• One stylist postponed rinsing out my relaxer even when I repeatedly told her the my scalp was burning. When she finally did rinse out, she proceeded to use her long acrylic fingernails (not her finger tips) to scratch the relaxer out of my hair as she rinsed. I'd never experienced so much pain in my life. Even though I was a first time client, I silently asked myself what I could have done to make this woman hate me so much.
• After chatting it up with a woman who had mid back length hair at the Dominican salon. I learned that she made special requests to her stylist with regards to how they rolled her hair so that less heat was required to create the finished product. When I asked my stylist to use this technique on my hair, she looked me in the eye and flat out said "NO" without so much as an explanation and proceeded to do what she wanted with my hair.
• One time, I visited a salon asking for my bangs and my ends trimmed. Knowing there was risk of this stylist over-trimming, I came with a picture in hand of the results I wanted. Needless to say, she kept me out of the mirror the entire time and, hours later, I walked out of the salon with a bob cut and super short bangs (which looked nothing like the picture I showed her).
• There was a stylist who was so ruff with my hair during the blow dry, that she literally caught my earring during one of her strokes with the hair brush, causing my earring to fly across the salon. Honestly, when she showed me the mirror at the end of the blow, I was in shock that I still had hair on my head.
• One stylist finished my blow out and as I stood up to leave the seat, she quickly whipped out the scissors and began cutting. By the time I noticed and said something, she was already doing her thing. She then proceeded to tell me to "shhhhhh" as I expressed discontent for what she had done.

These were my worst accounts but there were many more mediocre experiences that really turned me off to salons and stylists in general. Needless to say, these scenarios were exactly why I decided to self-manage my healthy hair journey. But one thing I can give credit for is although the process these stylists used were some of the most unhealthy one could imagine, the end results were pretty much always on point. Even the lady who tried to claw my scalp off gave me nice flowing hair that lasted for weeks.

So what's a girl to do? On one hand, I want gorgeous looking hair. One the other hand, I want healthy, thick, long hair. I can say from experience that my hair never flourished while under the care of a stylist. My length retention was almost non-existent and thickness was something I could only dream about. So is there a way to merge healthy hair with great looking results that only a stylist could create? Yes. But you have to find the right person. So let's talk about what the right person could look like by using my experience with Marie as an example.

Marie listened:

One thing I made sure I did before I made my appointment with Marie was to meet her for a brief conversation. I showed up randomly yet she still took the time to chat with me about my hair. I talked about what I wanted and what I didn't want. What my hair liked and what it hated. And all Marie did was listen. When I finally stopped talking, she reassured me that my hair's concerns were her priority. From that very moment, I knew I had found the one.

Marie was flexible:

During my initial conversation with Marie, I made a host of "demands" that were meant to save both my hair and her time. For instance, stylists tend to wash my hair by massaging it vigorously like in an Herbal Essence commercial. Little do they know that doing so creates tangles that are almost impossible to manage. So I let Marie know that I would be washing my hair at home first and all I'd need her to do was deep condition and style. She was open to everything I suggested and gladly accommodated my numerous special requests. At one point during my blow out, I was uncomfortable with the brush she was using. I politely told her that I didn't like the brush and she immediately started using another tool after asking for my o.k. first. Needless to say, Marie's blow out was the most gentle I had ever experienced. Even at 5 months post, she still didn't feel the need to use excessive force with my hair.

Marie cared:

Seriously, I've never had anyone apply conditioner to my hair like Marie did. She parted my hair in tiny sections (like I do at home) and applied $60.00 Kerastase Conditioner like it was a cheapie pre-poo product. She didn't care that my hair would take up most of her day, she didn't care that she probably applied an entire jar's worth of product on my hair. SHE ONLY CARED ABOUT THE HEALTH OF MY HAIR. Just thinking about it almost brings tears to my eyes. This woman was so self less in her actions that I couldn't believe what I was experiencing. Other stylists would put some conditioner in their palms, rub between their hands and run their hands through my hair. This woman was willing to handle my texlaxed hair at 5 months post like it wasn't nothin'. I love her for that.

So maybe your stylist doesn't currently take the time to apply conditioner evenly throughout the hair, a sign of a great stylist is someone who is willing to do so if you request it.

Marie was knowledgeable:

Even though I gave tons of input both before and during the process, Marie was still able to teach this old dog a few new tricks when she showed me how to create straighter results at home even when I'm knee deep in a relaxer stretch. The difference between the good stylists I came in contact with and the horrible ones were obvious. The good ones talked about healthy hair. Aside from Marie, I could think of one other stylist that enjoyed visiting.Both of them shared their love for healthy hair as a premise for doing what they do. When you visit a new salon, listen to his/her conversation. Really listen and discern what they are saying. All stylist will use the words "healthy hair" in their vocabulary but do they mean "healthy looking hair", or hair that is truly healthy and thriving. If a stylist talks about healthy hair, ask them how they go about achieving it. You'll know because you may hear them say things that are familiar to you from reading hair blogs and forums. A knowledgeable stylish should be aware of natural products, minimizing heat, etc. The stylist should understand when the hair needs moisture or when it requires protein. You shouldn't need a deep protein treatment every single week. That may be a sign that your stylist might be a one trick pony. A good stylist should try to analyze your hair and use the treatment option that works best for your current situation.

Marie listened (and didn't judge):

I put listening down twice because of how important it is. Looking back at the examples above of bad stylists, one thing they all had in common was they didn't listen. Another reason why I didn't like going to the salon was because I was always judged on how long I waited to get a touch up or how thick my hair was or whatever. With Marie, I walked in with inches of virgin new growth, texlaxed hair, and relaxed ends. Although she made a comment about the textures, she didn't try to get me to go natural, or convince me to relax all of my hair bone straight to make it easier. She just worked her magic, with what I had, and made it all work out.

When she finally finished her masterpiece, the moment I had been dreading had finally arrived. That awkward moment when the stylist finishes her work and feels compelled to cut off inches of my hair. I knew that I would have to face this moment with Marie and I honestly didn't know how it would go. On the one hand, I was dead set against having a trim, on the other, I knew my ends weren't in the best of shape and a slight trim was exactly what I needed. Although I didn't want to, Marie assured me that she would trim only the minimal amount and held the mirror in a way where I could see exactly what was going on. Although I knew she wanted to take off a little more, in true Marie fashion, she restrained herself and only trimmed the bare minimum which made us both happy.

I'm sharing this experience so hopefully you will get to know the traits that great "healthy hair" stylists share. If I moved to another state and had to find someone like Marie all over again, the one thing I would do differently would be to have that initial conversation with each stylist before I schedule my appointment so I get a better understanding of his/her philosophy on hair care and their definition of healthy hair and how to create it. Are they willing to listen to me and work with, not against me, to further my hair journey? Is their advice sound and does it makes sense? Are they willing to invest their time to create amazing results? If the answer to these questions is yes, then congratulations you may have found your very own "Marie."

Damaged Areas: "Should I big chop or nurse back to health?"

I've been asked this question several times from those who've reached out to me. This scenario is near and dear to my heart because I have found myself in a crossroads where I've had to make decisions on whether to cut my damaged sections and start all over or go the opposite route and try to somehow nurse my hair back to health.

I want to first start off by saying there is no wrong answer to this question. To some, cutting the hair and starting over seems like the most logical of the two options. And I would agree with this approach to some extent. There have many big and small chops throughout my hair journey. There were also times when I opted to take another route and forced myself to work though the situation by nursing my hair back to health. Which is my preferred method? "I'll take nursing back my hair to health for 200 Alex!"

Yes, my preference whenever I have a damaged section is to choose option 2 and I'll tell you why. Long ago, I would big chop (or a stylist would do it for me) and guess what, sometime later I would find myself with the same signs of damage creeping back up again. This happened because I hadn't addressed the root cause issue creating the damage. It's like putting a bandage on a wound without first stitching up the gaping hole which is the source of the bleeding. When I decided that I would no longer use a major trim as a way out, I caused me to become more thoughtful about what I was doing (or wasn't doing) to my hair.

For instance, once upon a time, my right side was thick and healthy from root to tip, meanwhile, my left side was thin and weak to the touch. Turns out that on wash days I treated the right side of my hair like royalty and the left side like a red-headed step child. Basically, my hands would get tired by the time I reached the left side after spending all the time and effort applying conditioner in teeny sections on my right side. Another thing I realized was that I would play with the left side of my hair as I drove home from work. All this extra manipulation, along with the lack of care on wash days, were essentially the root cause of the damage. I addressed this situation by starting the conditioner application on my left hand side first. Fast forward several months and now this side appears to thrive even more than my right. If I simply cut my healthy side to accommodate the weak areas, I wouldn't have learned from the situation. Now I balance things out by rotating which side I start with first.

Since adopting the "nurse it back to health" philosophy, I've been able to address damage areas in my nape and crown. Now, whenever a section of my hair starts actin' up, I treat it like a crying child who is trying to communicate the only way it can. Simply cutting off the hair without addressing the concerns is like putting a pacifier in the baby's mouth without trying to figure out if she's hungry, thirsty, needs a diaper change, or whatever. What is your hair trying to tell you?

I'm not saying that a big (or mini) chop isn't the right thing to do. In fact, in some cases, it's probably the best to "stop the bleeding." But I wouldn't place all of my faith in a big chop as the "end all be all" to resolve the issue that created the areas of damage in the first place.

So if you are in a place where you are considering your options here are some tips that I think may help:

• If the damage is widespread and affects most of your hair, a big/mini chop is the best solution. But this option is a temporary one if your regimen still doesn't address the root cause.
• If the damage is concentrated in certain areas, consider the option of nursing back to health ONLY after you've spent some quality time assessing what contributed to the damage and what you can do to address it.
• Try to think of at least three factors that may have contributed to damage. In case your first answer doesn't lead to the root cause.
• If you are concerned about aesthetics (meaning you don't want to walk around with one side of you hair looking healthy and the other looking a chewed up mess) consider wearing protective styles while you nurse.
• If you choose to nurse, pay VERY close attention the results of your actions to make sure you are making progress. Don't choose the option to nurse your hair if you won't make certain that you are adjusting your actions for the better. Failure to do so can lead to even more damage.
• If after choosing to nurse your hair, you see the situation is becoming worse, proceed to cut then start over with healthy hair practices and observe your actions going forward to make sure they aren't contributing to the damage reappearing in the future.
• A major trim(to address damage) is not the same thing as a regular trim (for maintenance and aesthetics). You should still schedule in maintenance trims even if you chose to "nurse it back to health".

Hope this post was helpful to those of you in a place where you feel like you have to make a big cut but you don't want to. Trust me, this isn't the only option you have. As long as you are willing to put in a little bit of work, you may be able to avoid the major trim after all.

How to maintain beautiful hair between your workout sessions

I received a reader email the other day with the following question:

Q: In my efforts to stay healthy, I have been going to the gym more frequently. However, when i'm stretching my perm, it can be very discouraging knowing that i'm going to sweat out all my hard work from my pre-poo, deep conditioning and rollerset hair routine from the day before. Do you have any tip on how to keep your hair looking great during stretches while continuing with a gym routine?

First of all, I commend you for your commitment to the consistent practice of healthy exercise. Regular exercise gives you so many benefits from a toned fit body, to improved circulation which benefits the skin and hair. One of the dilemmas one faces if they aren't a daily co-washer or a consistent protective styler is how to keep the hair looking fresh even after a long, intense workout session.

When I think about the adverse effects of a workout to the hair, I think about three areas in particular:

• the edges
• the scalp
• the hair

Let's first start by discussing the edges. Obviously, when the moisture of perspiration comes in contact with the hair, the edges will start to revert, especially if you are mid-stretch. My tip for managing your edges comes in the form of two simple items. A silk/satin scarf and a light leave-in product. Damp edges should never be allowed to dry on their own. They need to be safely secured down so they can be tamed while drying (especially if you tend to wear straight styles). Wal-Mart and Sally's offer a satin head-band like product used to protect the edges from excessive sweat. May I recommend you tie one satin scarf around the hairline and another around the entire head? The first scarf's sole purpose is to protect and properly secure your edges while the second protects the rest of the hair from the increased humidity. If your edges need a little help after the work-out, simply mist them with a light, conditioning leave-in like Biolage Daily Leave-In tonic and re-secure the scarf around your edges 'till it's dry. The daily tonic is really conditioning without creating build-up. Perfect for your daily workout schedule.

Next you probably want to do something that keeps the scalp feeling fresh between washes. One of the biggest things you'll notice about sweat is the salty taste. The sodium released through our sweat has a drying effect on the hair and scalp. If your hair needs a little invigoration, I suggest you look into the possibility of spritzing your scalp with essential oils or apple cider vinegar per my $2 scalp treatment method. ACV has a clarifying effect that will work wonderfully on scalp build-up. Essential oils help stimulate and give your scalp that "fresh, tingly" feeling. Oh, I also want to suggest you make use of the steam room in your gym (if there is one). When I visit the steam room regularly, my body seems to detoxify and my sweat becomes less salty with consistent use. Drinking enough water and having a clean, healthy diet also impacts the quality of your perspiration.

Finally, let's talk about how to maintain your hair after each workout. The silk scarf is critical to maintaining your style, especially your straight style. My all time favorite way of creating great looking hair between washes is with the use of steam rollers. There are so many reasons why I'm recommending steam setting. The biggest advantage is the addition of moisture to the hair with each use versus depleting the hair of moisture with curling or flat irons. Steam curlers can give you nice bouncy curls in just a few minutes. Plus the hair usually feels nice and soft afterwards. Another tip I have is to add a couple of drops of apple cider vinegar to your distilled water when you steam set. This works drop the pH level of the water which helps in seal the cuticle. Your hair will also receive the clarifying benefit that comes with using ACV. This means your hair will receive relief from the build up of salty sweat that works to dry the stands.

If you are wearing textured styles like a braid out. I suggest you braid your hair prior to heading for the gym and dampen the hair a light nourishing leave-in conditioner. The conditioner will counteract the drying effects of the perspiration and will help the braid set within the short time frame between workout and styling. Oh, I should also mention that there are no-water shampoos and scalp cleansers on the market if you are seeking a product that will help you get through 'till the next wash. I hope you received some good ideas that will help your hair "preserve it's sexy" while you focus on creating your healthy body.